Julieanna Blackwell, Community Contributor
Naples Daily News
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wait! Stop! I lost something while skipping down the slippery side of the slope — it’s my metabolism. Somewhere along the line I misplaced it. It must have fallen off and I want it back!
Let me describe it for you, so you will know what it is when you see it. It’s this really cool invisible thing that has taken care of me my whole entire life. It has kept me thin, and it has rendered me impervious for the real need to exercise. It allowed me to truly respect the holidays and all the wonderful tasty dishes that are made this time of the year. My metabolism is one of my best friends, it knows me, we’ve shared every meal, every snack — everything — AND I WANT IT BACK!
Now, having traversed the downward side of the proverbial hill for a while now — not a lot of years mind you, but enough to feel the effects of the downward grade — I seem to be gathering extra weight. Not pounds of money or experience, or any other altruistic kind of weight. Pounds. Real pounds, like on the scale in the bathroom kind of pounds, fat, the bulge, flabbiness and my metabolism was what took care of this stuff, guarding me from it, protecting me from this horror.
Maybe, maybe my metabolism is in an early form of retirement, or on vacation. Because it’s all Alton Brown’s fault. And Paula Dean’s, Giadia, and yes, the Barefoot Contessa does not escape blame. All they do is cook, I sit and watch, I print, I shop and I make, and we eat. And it is good. But it is bad, because I’m gaining weight.
Maybe? Then, it must be Walmart’s fault; they carry these wonderful chocolate covered blueberries.
OK, then it’s the dog. The dog doesn’t like to go for long walks because it’s too hot out. My shagging dog disagrees, as she lifts her eyebrow before trotting out of the room. URRGGGG!
The truth is I am facing a battle. On this side of the slope there is a battlefield, where many have courageously fought, some faltered, yet many tasted victory. My parents even fought in this war. And, I am about to enter the theatre of battle, the battle of the bulge.
I have fought many a war in my past, in business, relationships and even on the playground, so I know what it takes to go into battle and win; tenacity. My weapons will be dieting, restraint, exercise and little chocolate covered blueberry bombs, OK, no bombs, just a serving of fresh fruit.
And my war cry will be, as I charge ahead, hurray for all of us in battle! Hurray for healthy food choices, long walks with the dog, yoga, and aerobics. Hurray for sports, hurray for gyms and treadmills, and sit-ups! Hurray in being victorious and following the food pyramid!
Hurray for anyone who stands, with tenacity in place, triumphant on the other side of the battle field, I will join you in victory! Why? Because I can, I can do anything, and on the slippery side of the slope I know how to win, and I will win, because I’ve made it to the top and I’m coming down the hill charged!
And if any one sees my metabolism, please, send it home.
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Julieanna Blackwell is skipping down the slippery side of the slope with her husband and daughter. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.